Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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