the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
