You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
