Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have aggressive nipples.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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