So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
