so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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