I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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