well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
