Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
