Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
