worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We were destined to go to rehab together
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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