okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
