What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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