I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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