Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
