You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
