She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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