I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
