Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
