You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
