It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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