I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
