I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
