Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
