Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
