cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
