We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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