You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
