C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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