And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
