"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
