never play flip cup with pint glasses
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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