I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
