I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
