just come out here and I will go home with you...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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