Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
