carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
