I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
