She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
