Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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