mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
