im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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