LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
