I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
