I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
