When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
