We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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