the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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