so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
