i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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