I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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