Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
