we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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