low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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